Patience

One of my students got a rescue dog recently. The dog is a lot of work for her and we were laughing about the learning curve both the owner and dog go through getting used to each other. Each class she asks if another dog has come into my life and I can honestly say, "It will happen, when it happens."

Yes, I am actively submitting applications in the Border Collie rescue, but I am not pursuing the dog to the point of obsession. My student said the reason why I didn't hear back from the rescue people and it's something I should have known. As the pup is globally exposed, the number of applications must be staggering. Of course they can't get back to me right away! If I wasn't the first application in, I could have been the 100th or 200th! That makes me even happier. I can apply without anxiety. It will happen when it happens.

We are taking our first vacation without Lucy this weekend. A short trip and only for the weekend, but it feels so strange to not be packing all of her things. The van will seem big and empty.

Pause

Yesterday was the first sunny day we've had in weeks. It felt wonderfully spring-like...enough to mow the lawn for the first time this year. It was also time to complete our time with Lucy and spread her ashes. How hard. Just when I thought I was done grieving, the loss was revisited.

When our first dog passed away, we spread her ashes on the north side of our house in the garden where she liked to sleep. For Lucy, we decided the south side through which gate she preferred to escape (until we became savvy to her methods). Emotions were as volatile as the ash of our sweet, long-legged girl let loose.

We saved some of her ashes and afterward took them mountain biking to a local trail system we often ride in the winter when higher routes are snow-covered. Where I would have dribbled the ash as we rode, my husband, who was carrying her ashes, chose to put them at certain spots. It was much more appropriate. When we'd ride with Lucy, she and my husband were always ahead of me and they had their own games they'd play. In some spots, Lucy would race my husband in straight-aways or cut through woods to short cut the trail and get out in front. He knew all those spots and at each one, we'd stop and he'd relate why he was putting the ash there. It was very tender and a wonderful way for him to say good-bye to his favorite dog companion.

Yesterday took the wind out of my new-dog-cravings. It seems sacrilegious to bring another pup into the home. I think we need a bit more time saying good-bye to Lucy.

Rebuttal for why NOT to get a dog

I got this rebuttal for my cons. Will I be aided and abetted at each turn? It looks like it! :)

1. The house is cleaner.
I won't be bothered by trivial stuff if I have a dog to play with.

2. I don't have to be home at any certain time.
I'll be glad to be home on time because of what greets me!

3. I don't have go on a walk if it's pouring.
I'll get to enjoy a tour of the natural world with my friend.

4. No spousal disagreements regarding care.
My spouse and I will have a stronger relationship because we have a mutual being to be responsible for.

5. Cheaper.
I'll get rich being paid in wags and shiny eyed looks.

6. We can go anywhere at anytime without worrying about the dog.
I won't wander aimlessly through my life.

7. The yard/garden is free of destruction.
I will have a reason to be outside more.

8. We can leave the garage open.
Your garage will be closed to prevent theft of property.

9. We don't have to worrying about who/how to board the dog.
I will have so much joy sharing my dog with the wonderful people I search out.

10. No training time.
I will have the mental stimulation of training another species to live happily in the world he's in.

11. No heartbreak.
I will get to experience a full lifespan in a way that we humans rarely get to do with each other.

Possibilities

There are two dogs at the local shelter that have caught my eye.

Like a retriever is hard-wired to retrieve or a border collie is hard-wired to herd, I am hard-wired to have a dog. I spoke with my husband last night and even though I told him I'd trytrytry to wait a year before getting another pup, I have serious doubts about my success rate as it has been nearly two months and look where I am! Thank heavens he understands me and knows not to plead his (losing) case too hard. A dog is in his future. Luckily for me—and the future dog—my husband is a softie even though he might profess otherwise.

I keep reminding myself of the work involved. I ponder the benefits of a rescue dog that has been socialized in another home. With this pup I'd have some proof if the dog was housebroken, destructive, had behavior issues, was dog aggressive, rode well in a car, etc. With a pound puppy, all I have is the intake sheet where the owner may or may not have told the truth. But the pound puppy would have more need of a stable home.

When I think back on Suzy, I was totally oblivious and blessed. I found an incredible dog that was born to mind. She was incredibly intelligent. We were connected at the hip. She saw me through a string of boyfriends and made it clear who was worthy or not—and I trusted her opinion. (She loved my husband right off the bat.) When I saw Lucy, I fell in love with her boisterousness; so different than serious Suzy. But Lucy was a handful her whole life—a love, a delightful goofball, but a handful. Very different hound dogs.

Someone on a dog forum told me to write a list of what I did and didn't want in a dog. Hm-m. I doubt this list covers everything, but as a start:

1. Connects with my husband & me
2. Minds/well-mannered
3. Healthy
4. Confident
5. Friendly with dogs and children
6. Good, but controllable energy
7. Ability to mountain bike

What I don't want:

1. Sickly or genetic problems (hip issues, epilepsy, etc.)
2. Aggressive
3. Hyper or lethargic
4. Fearful
5. Doesn't obey

Is that too much to ask? The sad thing is there are hundreds of great dogs out there that fit the bill. If I'm lucky, I'll find one. If I don't get a pup now, there will always be another fine hound in the waiting. I wish that wasn't the case.

Epilogue #1
I didn't go. I didn't stop at the Humane Society; I came straight home. I made a bet with myself that if it was raining, I'd refrain. However, I am weak when it comes to a fuzzy face. If it becomes sunny, I may hop in the car.

Wow. I sound really weak, no will power. This is a serious case of the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Next weekend, weather permitting, we're going on a short trip. It would be nice to do it dogless. To try and do it dogless. Okay, maybe I need to make a list of all the good things about not having a dog.

1. The house is cleaner.
2. I don't have to be home at any certain time.
3. I don't have go on a walk if it's pouring.
4. No spousal disagreements regarding care.
5. Cheaper.
6. We can go anywhere at anytime without worrying about the dog.
7. The yard/garden is free of destruction.
8. We can leave the garage open.
9. We don't have to worrying about who/how to board the dog.
10. No training time.
11. No heartbreak.

So what's good about a dog?

1. Fuzzy face.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Unconditional love.
4. Companionship.
5. Protection.
6. Ice breaker. (I know many people in the neighborhood because of dog walks.)
7. Give a toss-away a good home.

It seems like the cons are more plentiful than the pros. So why the need? That's the question.

What next?

I am not ready yet, but I come from a long line of dog owners—people for whom a dog is a family member. Growing up, when one dog passed away, within a very short time, we had another. My mother felt it was her duty to give a dog a home. Not a fancy, pedigreed pooch, but some poor cast-off who was housed at a shelter. That mindset has been thoroughly inculcated in our family and my siblings have embraced it enthusiastically. Surprisingly, after we all separately lost our last dogs, we didn't spring into action, but waited. My sister waited nearly a year (unheard of!) and my brother is now out six months. It's been a month since Lucy passed and though I know I eventually will have another pup, I don't feel the need to rush.

When that pup arrives, I want to make sure I'm prepared...or as prepared as one can be. Lucy, my head-strong, lovely lass was allowed to walk at the end of her lead. She didn't pull, but she was "out front." The new pup will not have that luxury. With Lucy, it was a mistake and irresponsible of me to let her do this. Being aggressive and out in front meant I had no control over Lucy when a loose (aggressive or not) dog approached. Unfortunately this left Lucy to make her own (often inappropriate) decision on how to handle the situation.

And what kind of pup do I want? For some reason I have a rescued Border Collie on the brain, though I am not sure we would be the best household for a BC. Yes, it would be walked twice a day and yes, it would have many mountain-biking opportunities, but is that enough exercise/stimulation for that dog? And what about a shelter dog? I'm so concerned about pit bull being mixed in (a shelter dog) that I'm leery about adopting from that source. Size dog? I think I want smaller. Lucy wasn't that big, but big enough that it wasn't easy to pick her up.

I guess the nice thing about this time is it provides reflection. What did I do right (or wrong) in training my girl? How can I improve? What breed mix is good for us? When do we want to take on another dog? I can look on-line at rescue and shelter dogs and ponder without purchasing. I can muse without making the move. Hopefully I'll the opportunity when it presents itself.

Missing My Girl

I didn't think I'd be writing any more...at least not about Lucy and not so soon. After the initial heart break of losing her, I went through the denial period where I was not interested in any dogs. That's changed. I just returned from a short trip with girl friends and two of them have two dogs apiece. Naturally, there was a lot of dog-talk.

When I returned home, stepping off the plane and seeing my husband was wonderful, but entering an empty house with no Lucy to greet me was like watching a play where the last act was canceled. The house was empty and flat.

I may be getting a new pup sooner than I thought. I try to think of all the crummy things about dog-owning to keep myself distanced, but fact of the matter, that furry face is able to break down all sorts of boundaries.

Found Picture

My husband was looking through his phone and found this picture of Lucy. It was from our January trip, taken in the Mojave desert. Isn't she beautiful?

A Great Vet

I've mentioned this before, and here I go again, but Kate Schottman and her team at Sunset Pet Hospital are truly a notch above. Not only did Kate, the owner and main vet, send me a touching personal card, but the staff sent their own joint card. Today, I received a letter from WSU's College of Veterinary Medicine that Sunset had sent a donation to them in Lucy's name. The donation here goes into continued research. Some other little pup (or pet) may live longer because of it. I am not naive enough to think this is unique to us, nor that it doesn't promote continued business for Sunset. However, I think it is indicative of the style of that clinic—caring, compassionate and great. I would never go anywhere else with a pet.

My good, good friend Betsy sent a donation to PAWS in Lucy's name also. Now some other discarded pets will have a better chance at food and care. Lucy is happy about both of these. I know it.

Ashes to Ashes...

They called yesterday; Lucy's remains were ready. I picked them up with much trepidation, but she sits on the desk beside me. At first, because I was uneasy, I thought I'd leave the box in the basement—after all, she slept there much of the time. Yet that seemed a bit bleak, so I brought her upstairs. Eventually I opened the cardboard box uncertain of what I'd find...a bag? A box? There was a gray urn. We decided we'll scatter some of her ashes here and some on one of the trails where we took her mountain biking. He said it's only ceremony and not really necessary, but we both feel its an important step—closure—to a dog life well lived.

Many of our friends have elderly dogs and I'm so sorry for what they'll also soon have to experience. When I was growing up, my mother would get another dog rapidly after we lost one. Her motive wasn't to replace the first pet, but to honor it by giving another "cast off" another chance. I couldn't agree more. When our first dog passed away after 18 magnificent years, I doubt I waited two weeks before bringing Lucy home. This time, however, I feel no urgency. Yes, I did tell my husband I'd try to wait a year, but even more than that is the time I need to heal. Lucy was sick for over two years with something (back, nose and cancer). I need to be away from that sadness for some time before I'm willing to take on another pup and its issues. For me, that means remaining dogless for some time.

Waves

It is the seventh day. Mostly I'm pretty good. Yesterday, for whatever reason was difficult though. I took myself on a couple of dogless dogwalks and tried to go places that I no longer took Lucy. However, even that made me sad.

Some friends stopped by in the late afternoon and ended up staying for dinner which was a great break. They gave us a card that tore me to shreds. It was written 'from Lucy' and thanked us for such a good life. Having put her to sleep, to get a thank you...even if written by Kathleen...cracked whatever reserve I'd built up. I still feel raw this morning.

Multiple Stages of Grief

I know some people find ludicrous the grief others experience over the loss of their pets. What they must not realize is how entwined one's life becomes with a pet. Multiple daily walks and feeding, brushing, washing, playing with them, patting them... They become your focus. You control their life and as a good dog owner, you are involved on an intimate level keeping them healthy, happy and engaged.

When Lucy was diagnosed with cancer a mere two weeks ago, that focus became quadrupled. Her care and comfort took on a whole new meaning and also became (unconsciously) a period in which to say goodbye and let her know how much we loved her. Knowing we were going to be the final arbitrator of her life was a struggle. At some point, all pet owners must come to grips with this. However, when she exhibited so much discomfort Monday evening, it was a quick decision—she let us know it was time and took the decision making on herself. Yes, I know, we made the call, but she made it abundantly clear she was miserable. There was little debate about what we had to do. Only for the briefest second did I doubt myself and that of course was because of the grief over losing her.

The next day I started cleaning up her things and was going to give away or toss most of it. (Not her collar; that I'll keep.) But I realized that was also grief talking—that somehow, by removing any sign of her, the grief would also disappear. Her food, her toys, some of her hiking paraphernalia, sure, others may be able to use them, but I don't need to get rid of everything. Not her beds, not her leashes, not her dog bag. Eventually we'll have another dog in the house.

I mentioned hearing her bark yesterday in the wee hours of the morning. Last night I dreamed that they'd made a mistake and Lucy was just fine and still with us. Another stage of grief: reversing the outcome. I wonder how many stages we'll go through?

I wrote my niece and told her that I was catching myself in the habits I'd accrued through my life with Lucy. Returning from work, any water left in my bottle, I'd pour in her water bowl. While making salads, any little pieces of vegetable she liked, I'd give her a scrap. I kept all the used plastic veggie bags for collection on dog walks and now what do I do with them? I hear her coming down the hall. I hear her old snorfely nose. I reach down to pat her or turn my head to see if she's in one of her many beds, but there is no Lucy to receive a pat. There is no water bowl, no beds. This is surely the most difficult stage of grieving—habit versus reality. I am constantly reminded of our loss.

Woof

I heard Lucy bark at 4:16AM this morning. I woke with a start. It was her gravelly, older dog, partially paralyzed larynx bark and was clear as a bell. At first I thought she was hurt, but realized she is at peace now and prefer to think she was saying goodbye or that she was okay; she was on her journey...that in front of her, lay a huge, sunny field filled with little rodents to snort out or bunnies to chase.

Saying Goodbye

I take part in an on-line dog forum. I don't personally know any of the participants, but they have been quite extraordinary in sharing their experience, thoughts and feelings. They've been particularly invaluable to me through Lucy's crises.

The last couple of days I've been struggling with ethics. How do I know when it's right for Lucy to go? Do I wait until she no longer can stand or eat? Do I put her to sleep while she's still functional? She's been panting a lot the last several days—rapid, prolonged panting, and I feel this is a sign of pain, not the prednisone. My husband and I talked about acupuncture over drugs as Lucy is so sensitive to pain killers; they turn her into a zombie. He felt any mitigating care wasn't fair either as it was just prolonging a life that was ready to let go. Yet he couldn't put her to sleep while she was still walking, eating and joining us for baby bike rides. And that too, was my dilemma.

When I posted my concerns and confusion in the dog forum, one wonderful participant sent me a private message offering her story. They chose to put their dog down before pain became his constant companion. Her note clarified my dilemma. It wasn't about me (and my ethical conundrum). It was about Lucy, her comfort and life quality. As a dog owner, you assume their care and well being. No matter how much we love them, the bottom line is their best interest regardless of our pain at losing them. So I talked to my husband about this and told him he needed to prepare himself emotionally for this eventuality...that this weekend may be the time we put her to sleep, if Lucy could wait that long.

Lucy is hard-wired for running. Each weekend we have taken her on baby bike rides of 1-2 miles. Each time she has been willing, eager and able. Walks have not been as enticing for her, so the last several days, she hasn't always been interested in her morning or afternoon outings. When she has gone, the walks have been quite short. The prednisone has kept her hungry, so her appetite is good. Last evening, sometime after she ate, she went into the back yard. For some reason, I felt I needed to watch her. She paced the yard. She looked like she wanted to poop, but couldn't; looked like she was trying to vomit, but couldn't. I rushed out to check on her and found her tummy quite swollen and rock solid and feared bloat. I called the hospital to bring her in. Luckily they were still open, and remained open until we got there. Kate wasn't on duty, but another vet, whom we like, was there along with some of the staff and techs I know well.

Lucy threw up several times in the van and I know she was uncomfortable doing this despite how awful she obviously felt. The techs and vet were wonderful. The vet said it wasn't bloat, but that something was definitely going on in Lucy's abdomen and she offered an xray. Instead, we opted for sleep. Lucy had been given 2-4 weeks to live and had just crested the half-way mark. She wasn't comfortable anymore and had started withdrawing from us. Yes, she might be in the same room, but she wasn't participating, wasn't watching us, wasn't keen on patting anymore.

The vet techs put a big, blanket-covered pad on the floor and a catheter in her back leg so that the drug would go in cleanly.We got down on the floor with her and were able to be with her until the end and then some. It was very fast, but our hearts are broken. She was such a fine, fine hound.

Positive Thinking & Reality

Lucy has started piddling again as she sleeps. I've put her back on Pro-In and hope that solves the issue. I've got an email in to the vet regarding dosage. My recollection was she started on 1 a day for X amount of time and then dropped to a 1/2 tab once a day.

She's drinking a huge amount of water and she is voraciously hungry. I could even say obsessively hungry. Every time she even thinks we might be heading to the kitchen, she's there ahead of us. Sometimes I'll find her just lying by her food bowl.

Is it the cancer? With all she's eating, she's losing weight. Are her kidneys failing? Her breathing is very congested, her heartbeat rapid. My sister said that perhaps the pneumonia will be her demise.

What a grim picture! I'm trying to think positively, but this morning it isn't easy. The reality is overwhelmingly depressing.

Taking things as they come

Saturday was a gorgeous day; one of those "foolers" that makes you think spring is here. I worked a bit in the yard, but really had to restrain myself from doing too much (and run the risk of plants getting zapped by a sure-to-happen frost). Lucy was in the yard with me happily soaking up the sun. So why was I depressed?

I think weekends are harder because I am with her 24/7 and can witness minute by minute how she is doing. Scrutiny that is that close reveals the changes I miss during the week while working. I don't always want to see them. She's slower. Her breathing is more labored. Her hacking is back. Her energy is low.

I decided to try focusing on the positive. She's here. Very positive. She eats well (in fact, she's always hungry). Positive. She still loves her cocktail ball. Positive. On Sunday, we decided to see if she'd be interested in a little run. Once those van doors opened, she leapt (yes, leapt) in. She ran (loped) about 2.5 miles. Now what's not positive about that?

I had made an appointment with a holistic vet, but my husband was not keen on my taking Lucy in. He recently lost his mother to cancer and saw her go through the medical gamut. He didn't want Lucy to suffer through that. I know it is different for a dog. The medication isn't as powerful; the acupuncture is supposed to ease discomfort. I cancelled the appointment, but may call her again and discuss in more details her costs and the procedures.

Perhaps I'm throwing darts at a moving target, but isn't this what everyone does when they fear they are losing someone (in this case, my lovely hound) they love?

Trying One's Best

Lucy's breathing is getting more labored—not as in she can't breathe (lung issues), but that her nose is constricted. It isn't that goobery, so I can only assume that the chronic rhinitis has the inside passages inflamed. She can't take the Piroxicam (anti-inflammatory) anymore as it conflicts with the Prednisone (for cancer). The two together cause awful, horrible ulcers. So what can I do? Should I do?

I've contacted a holistic vet and am waiting for a response. Purportedly she's worked with a lot of cancer patients and has had good success. With Lucy's blood count being so awful, I'm not expecting much change for the cancer, but perhaps she could do something for the rhinitis allowing Luce to breathe more comfortably. None-the-less, I don't want to subject Lucy to the awful anxiety of vet visits.

I hate this "should I do this?" or "am I neglecting if I don't" quandary. I want Lucy to be comfortable. Bottom line. Consciously I realize tossing this back and forth before speaking with the holistic vet doesn't do me any good and just causes me to be anxious while doing nothing for Lucy.

I guess I should just be patient until I have the conversation...

Drug Reconnaissance

Lucy's drugs are running low, so I emailed the vet and got her response. The Sucralfate, Famotidine and Metronidazole can be stopped and saved for later use, if necessary. The antibiotics should be continued for another couple of weeks (depending on what a second xray shows) and the Prednizone is a lifer, for as long as we are blessed with her presence.

Days of Grace

Lucy had been doing well since late Saturday. We didn't have any other bicycling opportunities, but she's been alert and perky on walks. And of course with prednisone, food has kept her focused. She's even been playing with her cocktail ball again and with the benefit of antibiotics, her nose isn't quite as drippy as it's been in the past.

Our contact at SVS, Becca, called the other day to check on Lucy and I gave her the bad news. I must say, we've been extremely fortunate with the vets we've chosen. They've been attentive, in general, and hugely supportive at present.

My husband made a comment last night that gave us pause. It was something we'd both been thinking, but had chosen not to voice—that old "if I don't say it, it doesn't exist" kind of thing. I mentioned how Lucy doesn't like as much rubbing as she used to, so I was only lightly rubbing her now. He said that's because her body hurts and is uncomfortable. We were both quite for a moment, said some 'lovies' to Luce and went on to another conversation. We didn't want to wallow in that sad knowledge.

Today it's snowing again. There isn't a lot of snow, but it is sticking. Lucy only went a half block today before turning around to return home. Her pace was slow.

Golden Day

Saturday was a day of grace. Lucy was not particularly responsive in the morning and although she ate, she wasn't interested in going on a walk. I needed to pick up some Metronidazole for the diarrhea, so brought her along for the ride and perhaps some stimulation(?).

When we returned home, our van was parked in front with the side doors open. My husband was planning on going on a bike ride and had loaded his equipment inside. When Lucy saw the van, her ears perked up and she trotted over to the van and leapt inside! Joy! We decided we'd all go and while he rode, we'd walk.

She wanted no part of walking; she wanted to run! So he grabbed her leash and rode while she loped along side at her steady 7.5 mile clip. Her ears were up, her eyes bright and if dogs can grin, she was wearing a big one! She was so happy and of course, so were we. She went about 2 miles perky as could be.

I expected her to be a bit slowed down this morning, but she's been as chipper as ever. She was bouncy on the walk.

Her drugs du jour are...for her upset tummy:

• Sucralfate (1 gm) 3 X day
• Famotidine (20 mg) 2 X day

For the diarrhea:

• Metronidazole (250 mg) 2 X day

For the pneumonia:

• Baytril (68 mg) 1.5 X day
• Clavamox (375 mg) 2 X day

For the cancer:

• Prednisone (20 mg) 1 tablet 2 X day for 1 week, then 1/2 a tablet 2 X day

Her food is a combo of:

• 1 lb. organic burger
• 1/3 lb. organic liver
• 1 1/3 cup organic brown rice
• 4.5 TB canola oil
• 9 grams fish oil (or 9-1,000 mg capsules drained)

She's gobbling up the food which is stupendous. If she continues on eating (and living), the vet advises me to add 3.3 grams of calcium carbonate and 2.9 grams of dicalcium phosphate. She'll also give me some other recipes so I can vary the diet if Lucy starts getting finicky.

More Results

The blood test came back. Eighty percent of Lucy's blood cells (white and red) are abnormal. The vet said she's at stage 5 cancer. Five? I didn't even know there were that many levels. She said it could be leukemia or some other kind of lymphoma, but that in either case, chemo therapy would not be effective, so we're spared debating that course of action. Kate said she'd never seen blood levels like this...this abnormal, I think is what she meant. I didn't ask.

Lucy has horrible diarrhea. It's contained, meaning she has control over it, but it's basically thick water and rice. Is it the drugs? The cancer? The fact that her diet has changed to burger, liver and rice? All of them could be affecting her. I'm waiting for a call back from the vet to see what she recommends doing about it...if anything.

Desert & Devastation

We just returned from 2 1/2 weeks in the southern California mountains and deserts. What a wonderful break from the snows and rains of this area. In fact, our timing was so good, we missed the torrential rains that caused the flooding and avalanches.

The first portion of our trip was more urban. My husband had to work a few days and we wanted to visit our nephew before he deploys. Both occasions placed us in big California cities. Lucy was quite sick during this period—lots of vomiting and phone calls to the specialty vet back home. We took her off the doxycycline for her nose and that helped, but didn't completely solve the issue. A type of chew that I've given her for years also seemed to upset her stomach, so that was also removed and her energy and well-being improved.

When her health was assured, we got her back to running with us, and though it usually wasn't daily, she did manage every other day. We kept her distance within 7 miles. She loved it! Happy! Spunky! Raring to go! One of the downsides of the desert were burrs from cactus. Not a good mix on dog feet. We had to be very vigilant where we took her and to check her paws carefully during and after. The picture is taken at Mt. Shasta. In January, the trail was covered in dry oak leaves. Lovely!

Surprisingly, or maybe not considering we were in dry deserts, her nose seemed to clear up—even off the doxy. There was still the reverse sneezing and some hacking, but not the constant goobery schnoz.

We returned to cold, damp, foggy weather. Lucy's nose immediately reacted. Constant. And her health went rapidly down hill. From being energetic and running miles, suddenly she wasn't eating or wanting to go on walks. When I got home from work and she didn't even raise her head from her bed, I knew something was horribly wrong. Pneumonia again?

I took her to the vet two days ago and got the results yesterday. I won't hear about pneumonia or not until I get those results today, but yesterday was awful—she has lymphoma. The vet said doing nothing, she might live a couple of weeks to a month; with prednisone, I could double that; with chemo, perhaps a year. The vet gave her some antibiotics while there and that seemed to revive her. For the first time in days, she ate and wanted to go on a walk.

All the "cure" methods are limited; the cancer isn't going away. The chemo would involve weekly vet visits with 1/2 hour drips—and that would be for 6 months or more. Lucy is going on 12 and hates the vet. (Who could blame her? She's spent so much time there in the past 2 years!) We don't want to make her miserable by constant vet visits, even if it might prolong her stay with us. I'm willing to do the prednisone. The vet said it could put the cancer temporarily into remission, but prednisone has its own downside.

When my husband returns tonight, we'll talk about which options we want to pursue. It's awful playing the Final Arbitrator in someone else's life. Although we'd love Lucy to live years and years, we'd want those years to be healthy, happy years. If her time is now, we need to be able to graciously and lovingly allow her to comfortably enter it.

Snow's Almost Gone!

Hurrah! The snow is almost gone! We've had 3 days of 40 degrees and the grass and pavement are visible. After one last shovel to open the driveway to the street yesterday, I drove for the first time since the 18th .

Molly is with us again. Lucy is getting used to her, but still growls if the puppy approaches while Lucy is getting pats.

Lucy is done with her Clavamox. I'm curious if her nose will stay bacteria-free. Fingers crossed; I can't imagine life on antibiotics is any better for a dog than for humans. The only thing that has come back with a vengeance is her reverse sneezing.

Hungover

Lucy is decidedly wiped out from Christmas. We were with in-laws Christmas day and Lucy was the recipient of many doggie presents which were all food. Being a good mom, I only gave her one, but there were lots of other people around and they were all treating her—she even got turkey! She's barely budged today and hasn't even sniffed her breakfast. It is so obvious she's hungover.

More Snow

The snow keeps coming. I've shoveled twice and am buying stock in Ibuprofen. We're dog-sitting Molly for five days. The dogs are in seventh heaven with this weather. Lucy is definitely showing old dog enthusiasm—spunkier, but not lively, while Molly is doing a drag course around the yard.

A little sad on a beautiful day

It's sunny and lovely today, but very cold. I'm a bit sad which seems odd when it is beautiful outside. Lucy's breathing is labored today and her hacking and gagging have become quite pronounced. I fear her larynx is becoming worse and creating problems.

I spoke with a neighbor yesterday whose daughter had to put her dog to sleep. The dog was fairly young, but had increasingly complex medical issues. In the end, her body just couldn't keep up with her mind. I applaud the woman for understanding her dog had lost its quality of life. That takes enormous courage. I hope I recognize that for Lucy when the time comes.

We're dog-sitting her cousin, Molly. Molly's 10 month-old energy seems to be enervating for Lucy instead of energizing. Molly demands attention and is as big as Lucy and perhaps heavier. Although she recognizes Lucy-as-Boss, she crashes into her, wriggles past her, is in her face. I want the dogs to work it out themselves, but at this point, unless I intervene, Lucy just goes off to her bed rather than compete with the puppy. I try and give Lucy lots of love and reassurance, but unless the puppy is sequestered, she is so present.

Second Snowfall

It's beautiful and quiet. I have a fire going in the stove and Christmas music playing. Perhaps a tray of cookies in the oven would be appropriate. Lucy, like all dogs, loves the snow. And like a small child with a runny nose, she has her perpetual stringers, now a bit frozen on her face. I have a stack of adult handkerchiefs that I keep by her leash for walks. In house, it's kleenex.

Here are two shots of her enjoying the weather. One is quite blurry, but I still like it. She's looking for a "R-A-T." In the other, she's licking off the offending drips.

Cold!

It is so cold here in the NW! The weathermen say we are in the longest cold snap we've had in nearly two decades. Day time temps are never above 30. Nights are in the teens. Lucy is in heaven. Snow on the ground and temps that make her ears crisp, her nose ice cold and her heart spunky. Everything is a treat for her when it's cold. And her nose is better. Is it the drugs or the temp?

After my sister-in-law suggested it, I bought a baby nose syringe to try when Lucy's nose is filled. As she put it, babies can't blow their nose either, so I thought I'd give it a try. The first one I bought was an ear syringe for adults (as they were out of the baby equivalent) and she hated that, so it is now in the back of the bathroom cupboard. Today I purchased from another store a baby nose syringe with a detachable tip for easy cleaning. How wonderful!! I don't doubt that Lucy will be equally dismayed by the prospect, but it might help with all the goobers.

New Drugs, New Cocktail Ball

Lucy had access to her cocktail ball last night. It is the first time I've allowed her to play with it since it was taken away. Not only was it taken away, it was thrown away and replaced with a new one. I decided to pitch it as I was concerned there could be bacteria on it that was re-infecting her. I'll never know the answer to that one, although her nose wasn't terribly runny afterwards.

She is also on a new antibiotic: Clavamox. Her nose was getting more and more goopy—both nostrils—and she was obviously suffering from some bacteria. The vet decided we should "pulse" (their word) antibiotics, so we've stopped the Doxycyline for this new one. It was made a huge difference both in the amount of nose goo and, within a day, the color.

Edited to add (many hours later): as of this afternoon's walk, the color is as bad as ever!

Abstinence

Lucy's nose has been active recently. Both nostrils are running now and the goo is yellow-green. Gross. I'm sorry. I never thought I'd be so attuned to this kind of thing and I feel for parents with children who are chronically ill. Your life becomes focused on little things that others would rather ignore. What concerns me is that Lucy is already on antibiotics, so does this mean that she has built up an immunity to doxycycline or that the bacteria is getting an upper hand (stronger, meaner) or something else is going on? The vet and I are becoming best friends.

So what does this have to do with abstinence? Her cocktail ball has been removed. This is her most favorite toy. In fact, it is the only toy she's had that she hasn't lost interest in. At cocktail hour, she starts hounding me to produce the famous orange ball. Unfortunately, it requires a lot of nose action from her: rolling, snorting, poking—and all of those things seem to aggravate an already delicate schnoz. In order to (hopefully) clear up her nose, I've taken her ball away. Last night was the first and she definitely was not happy about it. She waited patiently at first and then not so patiently. She wandered around looking for it, she talked to me about it, gave me the hopeful eye, then the pleading eye, then the evil eye. She will not see it tonight either.

It is difficult to explain abstinence to a dog.

Grateful

We're care-taking Suki for a couple of days while her owners are away. She has declined dramatically since the last time she was here. It takes a lot of manpower to wake her and get her going, and once up, she's only there for a short time before going back to bed. I've "carpeted" the kitchen in non-skid rugs, so when she gets up, she can get to the water bowl without slipping. Her coordination is quite sketchy as she suffers from awful arthritis and her toenails are so long.

She is still eating, but seems to have a difficult time working her tongue and spends more time moving her kibbles around rather than scooping them up. We are using a carpeted ramp her owners brought over for her to get up and down our back stairs (of which there are three). She is good going down the ramp, though she sometimes slips her way down. Coming up, however, is much more difficult. Surprisingly, although she is not a "morning" dog, she seems more coordinated at that time and is able to get up the ramp to come in. In the evening, she needs encouragement and a bit of guidance to maneuver up.

When she first arrived five days ago, I think she was quite confused. When she was awake, her time was spent staring at nothing. This morning, for the first time, she got up with us (5:30AM), went outside, ate breakfast and had her morning biscuit. That was wonderful and very active for her.

Lucy is doing well. Although both nostrils now suffer from rhinitis, she is enthused and involved. Over this past weekend, she ran a total of nearly 12 miles—five on Saturday, the rest on Sunday. She was eager afterward, and appeared neither exhausted nor experienced difficulty breathing. Granted, the weather was cool, but who cares? I am so happy she is such a willing participant.

I am grateful she is still with us, mentally and physically. It makes me even more solicitous towards Lucy and I tell her regularly how much I love her.

I also feel for Suki's owners as I know they will soon have to make an awful decision—the one we hate to make, but are grateful we can offer. With Suki, I've spent several evenings on the floor by her bed letting her know what a fine girl-dog she is and how much we've enjoyed our time with her.

What would we do without our wonderful dog companions? I can't imagine how anyone could treat a dog cruelly or chain them outside and ignore them. They give us so much and ask for so little in return. Our lives are enriched immeasurably by them.

Bad Factory Parts & Old Age

I guess I have to get used to the fact that Lucy's health issues are cyclical. She's once again had several days of reverse sneezing and a runny nose. The last two days she's thrown up her food. That's a new feature, one that I'm unsure is caused by her partially paralyzed larynx or the drugs she must take for rhinitis...or both. She remains eager for a walk, but not so eager to eat. I don't blame her; I wouldn't want to eat either if it meant food wasn't going to stay down.

We were at our in-laws home for Thanksgiving and Lucy piddled inside. This was done purposefully, not like the past where she was dribbling in her sleep. None-the-less, I was a tad embarrassed. Lucy also had a sneezing attack that was severe enough to give her a bloody nose. I think her problem lay with the commotion of Thanksgiving with the puppy, all the extra people, and the fact that she couldn't find that damn cat she could still smell. (The cat is one of their many past pets that has been squished on their street. We won't go there, but the cat met its demise about a month ago.)

This morning she didn't eat her breakfast, but waited until several hours later. We'll see if she keeps it down.

Spunky

Lucy felt spunky last night. In fact, she was downright annoying in her persistence. It was great to witness! She wanted her cocktail ball now. I didn't want to give in, but she persisted. Talking, woofing, pawing, groaning—generally making herself heard and catered to. Did I give in? Yes. Eventually. I waited until she was quiet and then armed her toy. Here she is telling me to get a move on!

Play with me!


Pay attention to ME!

A bit of a set back

Lucy is experiencing a bit of a set back. I'm not sure why. She's been on Doxycycline since Friday evening and seemed a bit better by Sunday—not so typical of past antibiotics usage where she's been noticeably better in a couple of days. She improved, but only an iota. The improvement could have been my wishful thinking. Her runny nose seems to have gone away (thanks to the Piroxicam or the antibiotic?), but her hacking and coughing have started back up. The heavy breathing is back too.

I am wondering if it's because I have allowed her to play with her cocktail ball the last three nights which takes a lot of nose action and swallowing from a greater distance. Could this cause the hacking? Or is it because on a recent car ride, I let her hang her head out the window. Perhaps a snootful of air is irritating. I'm going to wait until the end of the week, unless things become far worse, before calling.

I like this picture of her. I'm aware most of her pictures show her lying down, but that's what an old girl dog does best. In this shot, she is eagerly waiting by her bowl for dinner. I've elevated them in hopes it will mitigate the coughing. She is looking at me askance because as far as she's concerned it is way past her dinner time and I should be feeding her NOW. This goes to show her appetite is just fine—as is her energy. She's always eager to go on a walk and still manages a fast clip.

Answers?

The internal medicine vet called today. That pleased me as I was feeling disgruntled that no one from that clinic had called since Lucy's procedure or after I brought her back in on Sunday. Kate's office had already called twice to see how she was doing and they were not involved with the rhinoscopy. (A loyalty booster there!)

The vet (Matt Vaughn) said she has chronic rhinitis. (A friend told me it's the same as hay fever in a person. That sounds so benign compared to the problems she exhibited.) He said there are five types of inflammatory cells. The two he expected to see in Lucy—and did—were lymphocytes and plasmacytes. But with Luce, he also saw neutrophils which usually indicate a bacterial infection which he did not see. He wanted to know how her appetite and energy levels were. I was pleased to report: good! Her nasal discharge is diminishing. My concerns are the reverse sneezing is still with us and she now is constantly clearing her throat via coughing or hacking and she still goes through periods of panting.

I asked him if the intubation could have caused this temporarily or if might have permanently injured her throat/trachea. He said no to the latter and that it is possible the balloon that is used to close off the throat (so she doesn't swallow anything) may have irritated the lining, but felt this not as likely. More probable he said was that she may have aspirated something.

He was very clear—and emphatic—if she isn't better, or she gets worse, by Monday to let him know. It may be the Piroxicam isn't her drug or that we need to put her on an additional antibiotic to clear up what ever is bothering her throat.

She has only barked a couple of times since she's been home and those are feeble, weak barks. They were followed by coughing. He kept referring to her laryngeal paralysis. Initially I thought this was simply the issue of an older dog losing its voice. Au contraire. It's a much bigger deal than I thought. A bad episode in which the dog is heavily panting may see the dog's gums turning blue from lack of oxygen. The dog can collapse and die.

Matt said he didn't recommend surgery on Lucy at this point because she is in a cool climate. He said if she was a warm climate, he'd definitely urge us to have the surgery. Here is a website that has some good information and three short audio files to hear what the stressed panting sounds like. At this point, Lucy only sounds a bit like the last black lab with a cough interspersed. Hopefully this is something we don't have to worry about with her beyond managing her activity level.

His warning, however, is well taken. We'll keep her calm and cool if possible. I didn't think to ask him at the time if she can go mountain biking. I guess we'll just have to closely monitor her.

What a Weekend!

It was a tough weekend for Lucy and me. She felt awful and I felt guilty for putting her through all of this. She slept all day Saturday, though I would consider it fitful. She was definitely conked out, but all of sudden would wake with an hour or more of heavy panting. Whether caused by pain or the inability to breath comfortably through compromised, tender nasal passages, breathing easily was not in the cards.

Saturday evening we had friends over for dinner and she not only got up to greet them, if slowly and quietly, but moved into the living room to sleep. Both big deals as far as I am concerned. The evening though, she woke around 1AM and had a good hour plus of heavy panting. She was obviously quite uncomfortable.

Sunday saw more of this labored breathing, heavy panting, hacking and her nose begun bleeding. Of all of those, I was least concerned about the blood as they had warned me that might happen. It wasn't excessive, so I figured it was okay. However, the laborious breathing did concern me. I took her back into the clinic and they felt she was okay, but gave me some pain killers (Tramadol) to relax her, help her sleep and maybe heal the irritation in both her nose and throat by relaxing her and therefore not stressing those areas.

What they were most concerned about was her lack of appetite as she needs food in her tummy for the Piroxicam they've sent home with her. They still lean towards chronic rhinitis, though the biopsy results will be in sometime this week. They recommended I warm her food to make it stinky and therefore more appetizing for her as her sniffer isn't sniffing very well at present.

I think her care was good. I think the tech did a good job debriefing us before we brought Lucy home. I'm also sure they told me things that I didn't hear as I was anxious about Lucy's well-being. However, I don't think they gave me enough information. I don't believe they told me that it would be days before Lucy returned to normal. I don't think they mentioned that her breathing would be labored and uncomfortable for her for days because both her nose and larynx/throat had be compromised by the procedures. They didn't say anything about how long it would take her nose to "come back." I mean, if she can't smell her food without warming it, that's pretty bad! And I know they didn't say whether the Piroxicam would eliminate, or affect at all, the symptoms that brought us to this event. This morning she had several bouts of reverse sneezing and anytime she gets up she starts a slow cough sequence that may or may not end with hacking. These are all things I wished they'd covered with me. Do I worry about this or not? The vet I saw yesterday said to give Lucy a week to return to normal, but she didn't think the Piroxicam would alleviate symptoms. It is an anti-inflammatory.

Rhinoscopy Completed

Dropping Lucy off at the vet yesterday morning was awful. When they led her away, she just turned and stared at me with those frightened, accusatory eyes. "What are you doing to me? Are you giving me away?" The CT and rhinoscopy both corroborated no (visible) cancer or aspergillosis. The vet took some biopsies and we won’t hear back on those until the middle/end of next week. His guess is chronic rhinitis. The good part is it can be managed, the bad part, it’s with her forever more.

Last night was pretty awful for her (and me) because she was so restless. Lots of panting and pacing. She did have a bit of nose bleeding, but nothing of concern. I put a mat on the floor in the kitchen (where we've had her at night since she had been piddling) and laid there thinking that having me close by might make her less anxious. Maybe it worked a little, but neither of us slept a wink. I called the vet around midnight and they recommended bringing her in (approximately 45 miles round trip) or give her a Benadryl. I opted for the Benadryl. She did lay down for almost 2 hours (I think I slept then), but she was up again and barfed.

So I called again. I didn’t know if her activity and panting were caused by pain from the procedure, drugs wearing off, or a bad reaction to a drug combination. They said come in or give her another Benadryl. The second one didn’t seem to have any effect on her at all. I got dressed to bring her in around 3AM, but again opted out and brought her bed into our bedroom.

She was more calm there and I think she was quiet for nearly an hour, before getting up and pacing again. I fed her some brown rice and turkey stock and she snarfed it, so I know her appetite is okay. I’ll give her some more time this morning and see if she evens out. I’m absolutely bleary-eyed from lack of sleep and would prefer not to drive in the dark and rain (my least safe driving conditions).

My guess is she’s okay and it is the pain and the anesthesia/meds (for which she’s always had a low tolerance) that are causing her anxiety. Now, nearly 4 hours since I fed her, she's sleeping comfortably and I'm getting ready for another cup of coffee—and hoping I make it until 8PM tonight!

Fingers Crossed

Tomorrow is Lucy's rhinoscopy/biopsy. Again, another morning without a biscuit or food. What a bum deal. More needles and even a snip with something shoved up her wonderful snout. I'm hoping—we're hoping—that it tells us what's going on and gives us a realistic route to pursue.

Interestingly enough, with only 2 days on Clavamox, her nasal symptoms improved dramatically. Kate felt she shouldn't remain on the drug though as she didn't see enough evidence to elicit their use. Therefore, Clavamox is out, Pro-in for urinary incontinence is in. What I'm hoping, evidenced by the 48 hour use of it, plus the results of the biopsy, we'll be able to lick whatever she's suffering from with another stint on antibiotics of some kind. Of course, I still have the urinary incontinence to deal with, but I guess that's okay if her breathing is okay.

Early Morning

Sometime around 4AM, Lucy must have peed in her bed. (She's being sequestered in the kitchen overnight, but has access via the dog door to outside.) We heard her collar shaking outside and saw her lying in the grass in the backyard. Deviant behavior is an immediate red flag for me, particularly now that she's not feeling well. Why would she choose to lie in wet grass in the pouring rain? Something's not right.
When I got up about 15 minutes later, I went into the kitchen and there was a huge, fresh puddle on her bed. The washing machine is jugging away now as I type. I couldn't get her bed in to wash it, but put her cover in along with the towel I used to clean her bed.

The vet gave me Clavamox for the infection and Proin for incontinence. Although I gave Lucy 1/2 a tab of Proin last night, I decided to hold off giving her anymore until I clear up the bladder infection and then see if she needs it. And then I read the article. Egads!

What's happening to our little girl?

Another roller coaster

Good news from the CT scan, right? Or at least not bad news. But now Lucy's peeing on her bed, on the rugs, on the floor. Not dribbling, peeing a full bladder's worth. When she's sleeping or lying down. Can she not feel it?!? This started last week and hit full stride by the weekend. What I originally thought was her runny nose, I know now was the start of her dribbling.

I took her to her normal vet this morning, but Kate was gone so the back up vet saw us. She took blood and a urine sample and said Lucy's white blood count was elevated, so gave me very expensive antibiotics for a bladder infection and another drug for urinary incontinence.

Friday she goes in for the rhinoscopy and there goes another four digit vet bill. Not that she isn't worth it, but the loss of personal income because of how the economy affects my job, along with the accumulation of unexpected large veterinary expenditures, is becoming overwhelming. The outlay makes me anxious, Lucy's health makes me anxious...

On the other hand, her appetite remains top notch!

Eureka!

It's a little after 3pm and we've just returned from Lucy's CT scan. Another wonderful clinic run by a great team: Veterinary Radiology in Mountlake Terrace. Excellent. Of course one of the finest things they did today was deliver good, if incomplete, news. Dr. Kramer said there is no detectable signs of cancer and he doubts Lucy has any aspergillosis. He doesn't know what she has and recommended we proceed with a rhinoscopy with biopsy of whatever Lucy has going on inside her nose. So it was very good news or at least better than we feared. There might still be something of concern, but at this point, I can sleep easy.

Here's an old picture of Lucy from 2002. I have to post it because she was so healthy then and hopefully, will be again!

Today's the day

This afternoon we take Lucy in for her CT scan. I'm anxious, of course, and Lucy is miffed she's getting neither her breakfast nor her morning biscuit. Unfortunately, the appointment isn't until noon, so she'll be a very hungry puppy by dinner.

Our fingers are crossed that they find nothing and that that indicates rhinitis, nothing worse.

Roller Coaster

Thursday I thought we might have to put Lucy to sleep. She was so ill. Awful reverse sneezing to the point she couldn't maintain her balance; gagging on drinking or eating; hugely lethargic. I was constantly in tears. I wanted to wait, however, for my husband to return from out of town so that he could say goodbye. Coming in late Thursday night didn't give him the opportunity, so we chose to wait until Friday afternoon when he returned from work. But we couldn't do it then; we just didn't have the heart. We knew Kate wouldn't be at the clinic on Saturday, so we decided to wait until Monday.

I sent Kate a long email asking about the efficacy of some alternative treatments: acupuncture, homeopathy, herbs and if she'd be willing to try them or preferred I sought out another vet with whom she could work. Because Lucy's nose drips are green (indicating infection), did she think it was worth putting her back on antibiotics? I called several alternative vets, but those who were highly recommended had a full client list and I had not heard of the others.

Saturday afternoon Lucy rallied. Big time rally. No nose goobers, no reverse sneezing, no gagging, good energy. I was hesitant but willing to think that perhaps she'd been suffering from a huge sinus infection and was now on the road to mend. Sunday afternoon dissuaded me of that thinking as the sneezing and runny nose came back with a vengeance. But no gagging—for that I'm grateful.

I heard back from Kate this morning. Besides being a vet, she is a certified animal acupuncturist, so I knew she'd be willing to consider alternative treatments. She said she'd be more than happy to explore different care modalities though she preferred to first know what we're dealing with. Though my husband would like to start Lucy immediately on antibiotics, I'd rather wait until after the CT scan when we can make more informed decisions.

Lucy's health remains on the positive side. We're concerned how voracious her appetite is, but at least she's eating. We just returned from a three mile walk done at a fast clip. At one point she had a leaf hanging from her nose goo, but she didn't seem bothered, so I chose not to mop her up.

I'm hoping to post a picture of her, if not every post, then close to that. Here she is sleeping last night while we were listening to music. With that perked ear, it looks like she was listening too!

Puddles

The last two mornings I've gotten up and found a huge, wet puddle left on the carpet from where Lucy's nose had drained over night. When she gets up, she's started coughing and hacking. Her energy is good on walks, her appetite is fine, but her symptoms continue to escalate.

I spent some time looking up nasal cancer and ended up sobbing. Both nasal cancer and aspergillosis have symptoms that match Lucy's. Now, after work, not even 5pm, I just had a beer. A beer? Anything but reading more about diseases.

My vet, the marvelous Kate Schottman, sent me many printouts, highlighted and notated, on aspergillosis. I tried looking, but couldn't quite stomach it yet.

As I type, Lucy's laying next to me, snoring and whistling. My girl.

Ups & Downs

I went to see Kate yesterday and feel much better though nothing was resolved or changed. Kate said she'd read up on aspergillosis to see if she could find out anything else for me. Not that I haven't been doing that myself, but I don't understand all the medical jargon and am relieved she'll be able to do some translating.

What I got from the consultation is aspergillosis is not that common although the fungus is everywhere. Kate felt that Lucy's symptom of one nostril being runny swayed her towards a tumor or some blockage other than aspergillosis or chronic rhinitis. She felt those would affect both nostrils. I don't know that that makes me feel better—a tumor versus a fungus?—but the progression of the fungus just sounds so sci-fi.

She also assured me if it was the fungus, Lucy's face wouldn't cave in. A silly fear, I know, but I was afraid if it eats away at the bone, that if she bumped her nose, there might be consequences we couldn't visually handle. She said it's more like periodontal disease, slow and invisible. I don't think that's any more pleasant, but I couldn't stand to see Lucy's face altered.

She also supported our decision to do nothing if it's cancer and to not do the ream and flush if aspergillosis. She can come to the house to put Lucy to sleep or prioritize us in a vet visit. That was helpful also.

So I came home yesterday feeling a bit better and thinking perhaps we'll put her through the CT and rhinoscopy just to see what is causing this. I remain conflicted on this because we've chosen not to treat either cancer or aspergillosis, but if it was a small irritant in her nose they could remove, then wouldn't it be worth it?

A depressing prognosis

We took her in Saturday to an internal medicine vet. He was wonderful: very informative and took the time to answer all the questions we posed. He said her lungs sounded fine, so no problem with recurring pneumonia. That was great news. Unfortunately, the meeting went emotionally downhill from there.

She could have cancer, aspergillosis, or chronic rhinitis but of course we won't know which of those without further tests. He recommended first getting a CT scan to see her head and throat structurally. It may show tumors or damage caused by aspergillosis. If the scan looks clean (or doesn't), they'd do a rhinoscopy to see inside the nasal cavities (they may see spores from aspergillosis). If it is cancer, he said radiation is better (and more expensive) than chemo. We've already decided we won't put her through that.

Aspergillosis—what an awful disease! From what I've read, it sounds more prevalent in younger dogs, which I find curious. Why would younger dogs (they specifically did not say puppies) be more affected? At any rate, it's a fungus that eats away at the nasal cavities and can move into the brain. If they see this on the rhinoscopy, they'd scrap out her nasal cavities trying to get as many of the spores as possible and the flush with an antifungal wash. He said he recommends three procedures, although they once did six on a dog and still found it unsuccessful. Plus Lucy could go through all of this and have it come back. His assistant said it is quite a painful procedure and the dog goes home with a pain patch...only to return to the hospital to have it done over again. The treatments run around $2500 a piece.

The tiny bit of information I've seen on rhinitis directs me back to aspergillosis. We're finding this overwhelming.

Lucy is 11 and if we're lucky she'll be with us another 2-3 years. I don't regret putting her through the back surgery despite the long recovery. But I don't think I can put her through the trauma of treatments for what she may be suffering from now. I don't feel it's fair to her, but I will talk to Lucy's regular vet and a neighbor (who is a vet tech) for their input. Perhaps a naturopathic vet may be an alternative. I just don't know.

Tomorrow is Lucy's Nose Day

In my reading, it seems there are certain fungal diseases that can cause the same type of problems (reverse sneezing, nasal discharge, coughing)—particularly for dogs who bury their nose in the ground. That's Luce. Those seem to be curable with medication.

I don't want a tumor...

Medical Maneuvering

I spoke with my vet today and she was kind enough to advise me without seeing Lucy. Lucy's nose issues remain status quo. She's still reverse sneezing (not as much as when she had pneumonia) and she is now "gakking"...making a noise that sounds like she's trying to cough up a fur ball. This happens when she's excited (about to go on a walk or car ride) or drinking water too quickly and makes me nervous about a possible tumor or polyp in her most prized possession—her schnoz.

I could let it ride, but then if it is a growth or something we can solve now, I'd hate to put it off. Kate (the vet) felt using Revolution 3 times in a month may indicate whether Lucy is suffering from nasal mites. However since Lucy is already taking it once a month, Kate thought this wasn't worth it. She recommended we go in for a consultation regarding a rhinoscopy. She recommended a vet (Sherry Wilson at Acces), but when I called regarding prices they were nearly double the cost at Seattle Veterinary Specialists. I think we'll go the less expensive route. Interestingly enough, when I spoke with someone at SVS, they said the cost could vary from $1100 dollars including consultation, surgery, possible over night stay and lab work. It would be less if all those things aren't necessary. Acces said it was $125 for the consultation, $1200-$1400 for the rhinoscopy—labs and overnights were on top of that. That's a fair chunk of change to throw around when there's a less expensive alternative!

Lucy reminds me of Clem, the dog we had growing up. Although veterinary medicine was pretty simplistic back then, Clem spent a lot of time there. He was always suffering from something. I guess dogs are no different than people. Some are just put together using better parts.

Hannah and Molly

Since I showed Lucy with her buddy, Suki, I thought I'd show some of Lucy's other dog friends. Hopefully I'll remember to take a picture of all of them. Although Lucy is well-known for her anger management issues, that doesn't mean she doesn't have friends. Probably her best and oldest friend is Hannah.

Hannah, like Lucy is a mutt. We think Catahoula cross. Hannah is a great communicator. (Hannah should run for President!) When Lucy was a puppy and very bouncy, Hannah just gave her a little lip curl to let her know to settle down. If Lucy didn't get the hint, Hannah might have given a growl and a nip, but nothing beyond that. Lucy has always trusted her. Hannah is 13 going on 14, and although she can no longer mountain bike and her walks are shorter and slower, she is still very enthusiastic and eager. She looks a lot smaller in this picture than she actually is. Hannah probably weighs in the mid to high 40s; Lucy is somewhere in the 52 to 55 pound range.


If Lucy meets a dog as a puppy, they become fast friends. Here's her "cousin" Molly. Molly is a purebred Australian Shepard and just shy of a year old. Molly now weighs probably as much as Hannah and is full of energy. She's being held by her owner so we could capture a picture. Molly is going to be a very sweet dog. When I've walked the two of them together, people ask if Lucy is the mother.

Lucy behaves around puppies like Hannah did with her. Luce is very tolerant of puppy energy—up to a point! First she'll give a slightly high-pitched, back of the throat noise. If the puppy persists, there's a little lip action, perhaps a growl and at the very end of tolerance, a nip. She has never attacked a puppy.

Suki

One of Lucy's buddies (I mentioned her here) isn't doing well. She looks good, but her owner said life is really limited. (This old picture from 2004 of the two buddies makes them look possessed. I think they were; I must have been holding a treat for them.) Suki can only walk about a 3-house distance and then it's tough to return. Sometimes she gets "stuck" in corners and can't figure out how to get out. She has had arthritis for years and it has gotten worse and is certainly affecting her abilities, but more likely we think it's her brain tumor. She taking phenobarbital for her seizures and the amount has been upped. Her owner asked me how we knew when to put Suzy (our first dog) to sleep. What a tough situation to be in!

With Suzy, we knew. Her back end became paralyzed and at that time we weren't aware (or they may not have existed then) of carts. Plus at 18, she was deaf and nearly blind; she slept most of the day. When she lost her ability to walk, at that age, what are the choices? The vet said he could give her steroids, but they'd only work for a couple of days. That wasn't a life. I will forever second guess my decision, but deep down, I know it was kindest thing to do for my beloved dog.

So that was what I told my friend. "You will know." We dog owners are all blessed with a period of time where we can prep ourselves for the inevitable, but of course, we're never prepared enough. The loss is devastating because there is no love like the love from a dog. My heart breaks for them as the deal with their pup's decline...

Precious...as in Expensive

We realized that Lucy, for all her winning traits, is one expensive hound dog. What with her bum front right leg—arthritis? bone injury?—and now her nose, she is a vet's best friend. I sent an email to our vet this morning. I saw no need to come in at this point, though she may be able to run more tests if she deems it reasonable. But the drug regime, (chlorpeniramine 4mg/3 X day) — although lessening the reverse sneezing and coughing, has not eliminated it. Never having had sinus allergies, I am unaware if drugs do eliminate all symptoms. Perhaps I'm just being a worry-wart.

I spoke to a receptionist for internal medicine vets this morning and she explained what a rhinoscopy involved. Putting Lucy out, running a camera up her snout, looking for growths and taking a biopsy. She said sometimes dogs suffer a bloody nose afterwards which would require an overnight and perhaps medication. If it was a tumor, then we decide how to deal with it depending on if it is malignant or benign. Ei! Ei! Ei! Our poor puppy...

9.1 Miles

Yesterday was beautiful—one of those gorgeous, sunny, fall days. Perfect for a bike ride! We decided to take Lucy mountain biking since it had been a couple of weeks since she'd had the opportunity.

There is a place close by that we visit frequently when time is limited. Although we expected crowds, we had the trails to ourselves. The trails are great, convoluted, ever-changing. It seems every time we go, we find a new route or two. Even though the area isn't new to us, there are so many trails, that getting lost is part of the ride. Yesterday was no different although this time we had Lucy with us.

We had ridden with her 6 miles on vacation, so I was thinking that was a good length to do again. It's been about15 months since her back surgery and she's strong, but older and I didn't want to push her abilities. However, in our exploration of some new trails we found, our directional sensibilities got turned around. Ha! Our direction? I can't enter those woods without getting totally confused! In this case, my husband must take the full blame. (In his defense, he always gets us out, no matter where we go.)

So what would have maybe been 6 miles, ended up a third longer. Plus, the riding was more difficult. After 3 weeks of biking in a dry environment, it was startling to be back in the wet, slippery Northwest. I had to concentrate more on the actual riding so that the slippery roots and slick mud didn't throw me. There wasn't anything we could do when we realized we were lost, but keep riding. Three additional miles, doesn't sound like much, but mountain biking can be a full body workout. Sitting here this morning writing this, I can feel those parts I worked!

When we finally made it back to the van, we were all pooped. Happy, but pooped. Lucy got in (with some help) and conked out. She didn't budge until we pulled into the driveway. I can tell today will be a 'slow' day for her.

A Sad Recipient

Our neighbors lost their dog recently–lost, as in they had to put her asleep. If one of the owners wasn't a vet tech, their dog wouldn't have made it as long as she did. She had many health issues, but was a wonderful hound and lived a long, well-loved life.

We hadn't seen them much since this sad occurrence, but I ran into them yesterday while I was returning home from walking Lucy. They asked if I needed any dog supplies: boots, water bottle, biscuits, food, teeth cleaning supplies... I had such mixed feelings accepting their largess, though I recall going through the same thing when our first dog died. I wanted someone I knew who loved their dog to have my dog's things.

So with a sad heart, we took them. And thanked them. How kind; how sad. Lucy loves the biscuits. Although Lucy and their dog didn't get along (both lean towards the alpha side of life), I'm sure Rainy is happy her things are staying in the 'hood.

Vacation

It's been over a month since I've written. All good things have happened.

1. Lucy's hearing came back in her one ear, so that must have been due to congestion from the pneumonia.
2. Her pneumonia is gone. In the beginning of a 3-week camping trip, she ran out of drugs and we had to connect our vet at home with a vet in Boise, ID to get more medication to see her through. At the end of the trip, I took her back into the vet for a chest x-ray which showed healed and healthy lungs.
3. Over the span of the vacation, Lucy did a lot of running. Probably no more than 7 miles at any one time, but she ran with vigor and had no shakes at the end. Hats off to Dr. Sanders and his team for their excellent work. Lucy was full of energy (despite recouping from pneumonia) and was always eager for a mountain bike ride.

The picture is taken in Oregon at Paulina Peak in the Newberry Crater. The drop off is thousands of feet. Look how happy she is! Dirty, but very, very happy.

When we got home, her reverse sneezing returned and intensified. It had been almost completely gone. The vet, during a phone consultation, thought it could be allergies. Of course, there was also the scary possibility of cancer, or another possibility: nose mites. (What a juicy nose to have bombarded by mites!) She suggested I try Lucy on an over-the-counter antihistamine: chlopheniramine (4 mg/3X day). She said if it wasn't better by Monday, to let them know and they'd refer me to a "rhino" specialist. I'm happy to report, Lucy is doing much better. Little did we know what a "precious" girl we have!